Unaware
by shellcottages
Summary: "This charm is for your concert tonight. Every time you play a show, I'll get you a new one." Campbell Saunders never got to give her a second charm. Oneshot.


_Author's Note: Quick one-shot based off Maya's gig in Ray of Light (1). I wrote this really quickly, but I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Cam was glad everything was staying the same.

Maya didn't cancel the plans to play at Little Miss Steaks just because he wasn't there. She didn't change the song she would play considering what had happened. She didn't consider today to be any different from any other day before.

This was exactly the way he had hoped it would be.

It meant that she was happy, right? And that was all Cam wanted - for everyone to go about their lives without him getting in he way and screwing things up. Maya was just the first to get back on her feet and move on, just as he knew she would.

She really was something, Cam thought.

And now that he wasn't suffering anymore, he could see her for even more than he ever could before. Everything was seen with a clear head, and it was no longer about how she made _him_ feel, but how others made _her _feel.

He now saw first-hand that she was a fighter. He knew it before, but not to this extent. She wouldn't put up with anybody's crap when they wanted to make sure she was okay. She wouldn't cry because of what he did. She must've understood something the others didn't. Something he still didn't understand himself.

Cam couldn't imagine being in her shoes. If he was as okay on earth as he was up there, and Maya was the one who needed to let herself go...would he understand? Or would he go through the process of grieving just like everybody else? By crying? By screaming? By lashing out?

He didn't want to think about that.

Whatever suffering she was going through, if any at all, it was all in her head and never left it. Which had to mean it was within her control. She could handle it. She was brave, braver than he ever was.

If given the opportunity, he would never, ever go back, but sometimes Maya Matlin could steer him otherwise for a brief moment in time.

And Cam watched her play at open-mic night at Little Miss Steaks just as he said he would. He smiled as she strummed her guitar to the chords he heard so many times when she rehearsed; the melody was playing more in his head by memory than it did live in front of him. He wondered what she was thinking behind that determined look on her face.

The charm bracelet sat in her jewellery box, untouched.

He knew that Maya would be playing tonight for the longest time, but he never got around to actually buying it. He had it all planned out, too: it would be a peace symbol, just because she let slip once that she liked them. But it didn't matter anyway, did it? He still _wasn't there._

_He let go too soon._

If he had just bought it before that last day in the greenhouse, then maybe he could've left a note asking for someone to give it to her tonight. And then she would know how he knew in advance how much he would care about her in death. And then he wouldn't have to had broken a promise to someone who didn't deserve it.

But he did. He was so desperate and now it canceled his last request.

But before he let himself feel guilty, he remembered the most basic fact: the bracelet wasn't on her wrist. It was in a box on her dresser, far away from any of her worries. As long as she didn't care about the fact that the end of his life broke the promise, then he shouldn't either.

And since Cam was free now, the moment he knew he needed to stop worrying, he did.

He stood up and clapped and cheered the loudest out of everybody when she had completed her song. He knew she couldn't see him, or hear him, or even feel him with her, but he didn't care; he was just so, so happy that she was happy, because that's all he ever wanted for everyone, and it started with her.

That night, Maya fell asleep quickly, just as she had done every night since it happened. He went over to the drawers to the left of her bed and opened the neglected box on its counter. It was completely empty, other than the silver bracelet with only one, lonely charm. The only charm she would ever have, and considering the circumstances, the charm on the bracelet she would never see again.

Regardless, he took the bracelet out of the box and added a new charm himself. But it wasn't the peace symbol as he had expected; instead it was an owl, an owl that looked like the stuffed animal she held close to her heart in her deep sleep. She had told him once that Hoot was going to protect her, and he wanted to remind her in every way possible that she would be protected.

As he put the bracelet away he knew she would never see its addition. He knew this all wasn't real. No, he knew that all this _was_ real, but _he_ was not. Even if the day would come where she would put on the bracelet from The Boy That Killed Himself, there would only be one charm that she could see.

But he would never break a promise like this.

Before he left, Campbell Saunders gave her a soft kiss on her forehead that she didn't feel, whispered an "I love you" that she didn't hear, and went to a place that she didn't know; a tradition that continued on after every concert she played for the rest of her life, and she forever remained unaware.

* * *

_Author's Note: Poor Cam doesn't realise how much Maya really is suffering :( I can't wait to see how she reacts in the show! Thank you for reading!_


End file.
